Nonviolent Communication is a process developed by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, designed to promote connections between people based upon honesty, self-expression and compassion.

The heart of NVC is the consciousness underlying our communication choices, not the words themselves. The objective of Nonviolent Communication is to create a quality of connection with others in which everyone's needs are equally valued and get met through natural giving. To live in congruence with NVC principles requires an awareness of and a desire to, first and foremost, connect with another. This means that you want to hear what is in another person's heart, and you want to reveal your own.

THE NVC FLOW:

Honestly Expressing how I am and what I would like without using blame, criticism or demands

Empathically Receiving how another is and what he/she would like without hearing blame, criticism or demands.

The process itself is deceptively simple, and focuses upon "the four components of NVC" or "the NVC process".

Whether expressing or receiving, NVC focuses our attention on four key pieces of information:

THE FOUR BASIC COMPONENTS

1. Observations

Objectively describing what is going on without using evaluation, moralistic judgment or diagnosis. We learn to focus upon clear, neutral observations of reality, as opposed to be attached to our interpretations, evaluations, analysis, diagnoses and thinking.

2. Feelings

Saying how we feel (emotions and body sensations) about what we have observed without assigning blame. We learn to develop an expanded consciousness and literacy of feelings, and to distinguish these clearly from our thoughts and faux-feelings.

3. Needs

Identifying the basic human needs that are or are not being met as the source of our feelings. We learn to identify and connect with the energy of universal, life serving human needs, and to distinguish these from the various strategies that we commonly use to try to get our universal needs met.

4. Requests

Clear requests for actions that can meet needs. We learn to increasingly release our desire to control outcomes, and to focus instead on making open requests from people, instead of imposing our demands upon them. Requests are encouraged to be clear, specific, stated in positive action language, doable and present.

We use these four components to create a reciprocal flow of communication between parties, alternating between honestly expressing ourselves and empathically receiving others:

Honestly Expressing what is alive in us:

When I see/hear/remember ...

I feel ...

Because I am needing/wanting/valuing ...

Would you be willing to ...

Empathically Receiving what is alive in another person

When you see/hear/remember ...

Are you feeling ...

Because you are needing/valuing/wanting ...

And would you like ...

Marshall Rosenberg gave the following definition of Nonviolent Communication at Lausanne, Switzerland in 2003:

"Language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things:

• to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life.
• to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural
• to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving."

To learn more about the details and specifics of nonviolent communication, how to apply it in your life and how to practice the tools, please consider reading "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, attending an introductory training, or joining a local practice group.